Random (and uncomfirmed) male sex trivia

  • Over his lifetime, the average male will produce about 18 quarts of semen. Who wants to be average?
  • According to the world health organization, 100 million acts of sexual intercourse occur every day.
  • Sexologists estimate that at any given second in the US, approximately 800 men are experiencing orgasm as you read this…
  • The average testicle size is 2.5″ long by 1.25″ wide.
  • 75% of men have their penis hanging to the left in their pants. 17% have their penis hanging to the right and 8% let it hang either way.
  • The degree of sexual arousal often determines the trajectory and distance of ejaculation.
  • A male in a high degree of sexual excitement is capable of ejaculating his semen 24′ or greater.
  • Semen has only 5 calories per teaspoon.
  • The human male has the largest penis (proportional to body) of all bipeds.
  • There is a direct correlation between life expectancy and how often men have sex.
  • Hitler and Napoleon were each missing one testicle.
  • To “Testify” was based on men the Roman Court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

FYI on penis size:

  • 6″ & below - 75% of all males
  • 7″ - 15% of all males
  • 8″ - 3% of all males
  • 9″ - only 2 in 1000 men
  • 10″ - less than 1 in 10,000 men
  • 11″ - less than 5000 in the whole world

Scrapbook insanity

Wow. I think I’d have to scrapbook full time to justify a setup like this. There are some good organizational ideas here. Too bad most won’t work with my hobbies. I have (in the past) done a lot of other crafting, from sewing to making home-made cards to painting wargame miniatures. I’m more in need of a way of sorting supplies for different types of projects and being able to easily access a whole group of supplies.

I do like the bin of beans for holding colored pencils, though I use colored pencils so rarely. Perhaps this could be a way to store paintbrushes. But then, what a mess if a cat (or baby-to-be) knocked it over.

(Link found at Big Pink Cookie.)

I wouldn’t have drunk the Busch either

Black Bear Found Passed Out at Campground Apparently Consumed 36 Cans of His Favorite Beer

Can you imagine trying to deal with a 400 lb black bear with a hangover?

pamela is…

…not giving up !! (on what?)
…entering a new phase both professionally and … (maternally, at least)
…the kind of woman any man would have sex with every night (in his mind at least). (if you say so)
…also known as: Pamela Anderson Lee, Pam Anderson. (only when I unblock my AIM nick)
…in the bath while Tommy is filming her. (!!!??!!)
…A MOTHER ( FULL SEXUAL MATURITY). (well, in a few more months)
…a star! (twinkle twinkle)
…definitely not a morning person (right on)
…not only a sex symbol working to lure men with her figure and looks; she also takes part in religious practices with children from around the world. (uh…)
…currently working on her own book entitled Pamdemonium for Warner Books. (heh, that would be a cool domain name)
…the kind of woman you have sex with every night (in your mind at least). (didn’t someone say this earlier?)
…an unusual combination of humor, natural honesty, modesty and politeness. (yeah, excluding the modesty and politeness)
…fucking, obvious. (how else would I have gotten pregnant?)
…the focus and the voice of the story, it almost seems … (in my own little world)
…EXPe RT LOVER with Kid Rock (who wears pjamas to bed) (no. HELL no!)
…interested in the animala rights, and has a dog, his name is JUSTICE! (i’m interested in animal rights, but my dog’s name is Zoë)
…A HOE AND IF I WERE HER KID ID BE ASHAMED OF HAVIN SUCH A WHITE TRASH LOOKIN MOTHER……SHES THE SYMBOL FOR TRAILOR TRASH………PAM IS UGLY AND … (*sniff* why all the hate?)
…still very much in love with husband Tommy Lee. (that’s news to me and Dale)
…the voice of Erotica Jones in “Stripperella” (heh, that would be cool, except it’s such a shitty show)
…hanging up her red swimsuit. (sure, it just got washed)
…the sound of a ragtime band lost in another galaxy, hopelessly whacked out on alien hallucinogens, desperately trying to … (again, !!!??!!)
…odd. (indisputably)
…uneasy about letting people know that. (not really)
…making a difference in the jazz scene in Austin, and her success is imminent. (maybe in some weird dream I don’t remember)
…currently for Windows machines only - a Mac port is underway (I’d always considered myself open-source)

Yep, I played the Google name game again. You know, search Google for “(yourname) is” and copy the results. Additional commentary is optional.

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash?!

Sources said the studio is in negotiations with director-producer Sam Raimi (the “Spider-Man” movies) for a project titled “Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash.” In the proposed sequel, Freddy (from the “A Nightmare on Elm Street” films) and Jason (from the “Friday the 13th” pics) would go up against Ash, the cynical anti-hero survivor of Raimi’s “Evil Dead” trilogy, which also includes “Army of Darkness.”

Read the full story at CNN.com.

hellooo?

Miftik, where are you??

Haven’t heard from you since Friday. I’m hoping you and your family made it through the storm ok!

allison cuteness

Isn’t my niece adorable??

allison zerbert

monkey love from Gen!!

Oh my god, look at how much Genevieve loves me!!

monkey pillow

After a drive with Dale, I came home to find it sitting on my front porch. How awesome is that??

Now, I just have to figure out how to keep the cats and dog away from it. They all seem unduly interested in my nifty monkey pillow. Perhaps I’ll wrap it up and save it for the baby’s room (which will be a two-legs-only zone). It’ll be great with the wool monkey rug my Mom got me. :D

it was almost too good to be true

Yesterday Dale and I traded in our wonderful 2002 Nissan Altima for a 2004 Nissan Murano. We really liked the Altima but wanted a bit more room with a baby on the way. A new Murano seemed out of our price range since the Nissan dealership didn’t want to give us much on the trade-in for the Altima, so Dale kept an eye on used Muranos on Carmax.com. Earlier this week he spotted one that was in Dallas and seemed to have all the features we wanted and was priced within our range. He was afraid it wouldn’t be available long since it was currently on the showroom floor at the Dallas store, so we hurried out to the newly opened Austin store.

The description on the web site only listed a few features, but some of them are only available through packages, which means that the car should have other features as well. We had a walk-around done at the Dallas store that confirmed the presence of the additional features. The car was listed as used, but it was a 2004 model and had only 1500 miles on it, so Dale figured it must have been a demo model. We really liked the car but then had to wait and see what Carmax would offer us for the Altima.

Fortunately, the Altima’s in great shape. No more wear and tear than you’d expect for its age, plus low mileage since we don’t have to do any commuting to and from work. Overall the Altima is a nice car anyway. They’re pretty popular, reliable, and nice-looking, and ours has the V6 engine. Still, we were nervous that we wouldn’t get offered much. To our surprise, after the inspection, Carmax offered us $16,500 for the Altima, which was $2500 more than we were hoping for, so we immediately put in the transfer request for the Murano. They said it could take up to 7 days for the Murano to arrive, but it’s usually less. I think Dale called Carmax every day this week to find out if it had arrived yet.

Finally, yesterday afternoon, we got the call. And, the salesman who called us said there was another customer already expressing interest in the Murano. Dale and I hurried out the door with our folder of paperwork and all the keys and remotes. We actually arrived before our salesman, Barry, did. First we got to examine the car. It had even more packages and features than we’d thought, so the deal was getting better by the minute. While we were doing the paperwork, a saleswoman came by and confirmed we were buying the car. Turns out she had a customer interested in buying it. Also, during the paperwork, Dale made a couple of trips to the Altima (getting our stuff, putting the owner’s manual in the glovebox), and each time he spotted salespeople and customers looking at the Murano.

Carmax has a nice trade-in incentive. If you trade-in your car for one of theirs, you only pay sales tax on the difference between the value of your trade-in and the price of the new car. In our case, the savings on the sales tax was enough to balance out the amount we still owed on the Altima (the trade-in didn’t quite cover what we still owed). We ended up spending almost 3 hrs at Carmax, but part of that was the inexperience of our salesman. He was nice and easy to work with, but he didn’t turn in our trade-in estimate at the start (which is apparently the longest part of the procedure to process) so we had to wait a bit on that. Not a big deal since we weren’t in a hurry. And overall, the Carmax experience was great, since there was no pressure at any point and no mind games or bait-and-switch tactics.

After we got home, I went to the Nissan site and went through the “design a car” program. I put in all the features and packages that our new Murano has and found out that the MSRP for that model with all those features is $38,000. (Features include leather interior, memory seats, heated front seats, chrome wheels, and a GPS navigation system.) Our price through Carmax was $28,000!! We still can’t believe it. Basically, we’ve gone from having a $24,000 car to having a $38,000 car, yet our monthly payments have only gone up $100.

We still don’t know how the heck Carmax does its pricing. The Austin dealership had a silver 2003 Murano with cloth seats and no extras, and it was priced the same as our fully-loaded model. The customer who wanted our car as soon as it arrived had arranged to have a black 2003 Murano shipped down from another location. Then she saw ours when she got to the Austin store, and discovered ours was newer than hers, had less mileage, more features, and was priced the same. I don’t think she was happy.

There were only a couple of strange little things that we have to deal with. The first was that all the keyless remotes were missing. We just had two ignition keys, so we stopped by the Nissan dealership this afternoon, paid $130 for a remote, and had it programmed. The other thing was that the owner’s manual was missing. I called and ordered a replacement owner’s manual, along with a manual for the navigation system for a total of $30, which will be reimbursed by Carmax. The remote isn’t reimbursible, but it’s cost was minimal in light of the awesome deal we got for the car.

I’ve uploaded a few pictures to our web site. You can see them at http://www.midnightgarden.com/gallery/04murano. Yes, it’s orange inside and out, and yes, my Mom will probably hate that, but it’s not so bad. And orange is one of my favorite colors anyway. :D Dale and I drove around for a couple of hours last night, and tonight we’re heading to Houston for the weekend. We might as well get Zoë used to riding in the very back. Now we just have to figure out how to get her in there, because the tailgate is too high for her to jump into the car.

2004 Nissan Murano

the baby bird

No, this isn’t some fable or strange pregnancy reference. Just a story about an incident that occured this afternoon.

Before Dale and I left for my prenatal appointment, Dale went outside to refill Zoë’s wading pool. I followed a few minutes later, with Zoë. While I was talking to Dale, I saw Zoë sniffing along the fence line. Suddenly there was a bit of motion and she darted forward and snatched up something in her mouth. All I could see was that it was fairly small and brown.

I started towards her while Dale yelled at her to, “drop it! DROP IT!” She complied and moved away. I kept going towards the rocky bit of ground where she’d dropped the animal, but I couldn’t see anything yet. Dale said it was a toad, but I just wanted to know if it was alive.

To my surprise, I found a baby finch (House? Purple? I don’t know) huddled on the ground. I carefully picked it up to check for injuries. It was obviously terrified and moved very little. I didn’t see any punctures, the wings appeared unbroken, and there were no signs (other than a little dog slobber) that it had encountered Zoë at all. It was pretty scruffy looking, but most of its feathers were coming in. There was still a bare strip down its breast where the feathers hadn’t grown enough to cover the skin. I wasn’t sure if it could fly yet, but we didn’t spot any nests nearby and I didn’t really think it has just hopped all the way to our yard.

While Dale and I were standing around, searching the trees near us for nests, Zoë ran back to me and that startled the bird. It lauched out of my hand and flapped frantically before thudding to the ground. Zoë darted in and snatched the bird again before I could. More yelling ensued and Zoë dropped the bird again. Zoë started following me and earned herself a smack on the butt from Dale.

The poor little thing still seemed unhurt but scared shitless. We had to leave for my appointment, so we just carried it through the house and deposited in our shaded front flower bed and left it with a piece of bread. I figured if it was still there when we returned, I’d check around for any wildlife rescue groups in the area. If it was still alive. We really hoped it was so still because it was just playing dead in fright.

When we returned, the bread was where I had left it, intact, and there was no sign of the baby bird. Dale and I hope it was just scared and was able to head to safety on its own once it realized every big noisy thing that kept touching it was gone.

baby updates

For some time now, I have been maintaining a web log about my pregnancy (and prior to that, our attempts at conceiving). I have kept that site fairly private and will continue to post the bulk of the baby news there, but if you’re interested in having access to it, email me (if you don’t want to leave your email address in a comment) to let me know, and I’ll send you the site information.

P.S. I did have an exam today, and the baby and I are doing fine.

my poor teeth

I went to the dentist this afternoon for a regular check up / cleaning. I hate getting my teeth cleaned. Even more than the cleaning, I hate the polishing. HATE!

Even though I was a couple of months late (I postponed until I was past my first trimester), my teeth had very little buildup and no visible changes since the last visit. The whole visit went quickly, fortunately, as my hands were getting tired from being clamped around the ends of the arm rests.

Sure, my teeth feel spiffy and smooth now, but not more so than after a good brushing. And I just tried to chew a piece of Dentyne Icy Cinnamon (the type with the candy-like shell) and discovered my lower molars on the right side of my jaw are way too sore and tender. At least I was able to eat lunch before the ache started.

Now I need to go get some mouthwash to rid my mouth of the aftertaste of Chik-fil-A.

definitive-defective