My grandmother, my father’s mother, has been rushed to the hospital. She’s had a severe heart attack and there are other complications preventing the doctors from giving her the medicine she really needs. If you pray, please, please, pray that she’s not in pain. That’s what I want most right now.

OK, girls and boys. I’m calling it a day. And, as my home computer is kaputt right now (keep your fingers crossed that it ain’t the hard drive!), I probably won’t be answering email until next week. So, enjoy those Halloween parties!

A Ben Brown party. To go, or not to go…. Sure wish I had someone who’d go with me….

My thoughts are with you, Jeffrey.

Hackers break into Microsoft’s networks. Geeks the world over are snickering now. (Myself included.) Depending upon which news story you read, MS’s proprietary and highly guarded source codes may or may not be compromised. You can also read all about it here, here, or here.

Three guys check in to a hotel room and the clerk says the room is $30. Each man gives the clerk $10, for a total of $30.

The clerk later realizes he made a mistake, the room was only $25, so gives the bellhop five dollars in singles and tells him to go return it to the three men.

The bell hope decided to give back only 1 dollar each to the three men and keep the other $2.

So, in effect the three men each paid $9 each.

3×9=27

And the bell hope kept $2.

27+2=29.

But, the original amount paid out was $30.

$30-29 = $1 that can’t be accounted for.

What happened to the last dollar?

A pleasant experience is ahead. Don’t pass it by.

eMode has a new quiz, the Ultimate Personality Test.

I’m an Observer:

You like television. At parties, you lounge around on couches and watch other people flirt and act stupid. But at the same time, you’re happy enough to go along with the group. You don’t like drawing attention to yourself — red platform shoes or flamboyant, sequined outfits are out of the question. A perfect evening for you means a cozy chat with a good friend and a pint of Haagen-Dazs.

Like all mellow folks, you’re not too into serious soul mining. You’d rather just relax than freak out about yourself. But at the same time, you recognize that understanding your inner nature can help you further develop your sense of intuition, discover parts of yourself that remain below the surface, and learn how to better communicate with others. And that’s cool, right?

At work, you’re a team player, but chances are you aren’t clamoring for that big promotion. Where to go for lunch is enough of a decision for you. You work best under a routine, and you avoid challenges that require too much improvisation.

I’d have to say that’s mostly accurate. I am a big ol’ slacker. The only thing I’d have to argue with is the second paragraph describing me as mellow. I’m far from it. I’m a neurotic spaz with an overdeveloped “righteous indignation” gland. I’m much more like this excerpt from my friend Scott’s “Secret Agent” assessment:

On a personal level, you’re sensitive. You worry too much about how you compare to others, and your mood suffers under such intense personal scrutiny. The flip side is that you feel extra happy when things go well. You’d rather stick with the familiar than deal with strange new emotions or environments. But other times you feel confident and spontaneous and have to suppress your desire to belt out “Copacabana.” Let’s just say you’re kind of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

What I like best about the test is that when others take it, their results can be compared to yours, so you can send it on to your friends to see how “compatible” they are with you.

Alta Vista’s Babel Fish translator isn’t very accurate, but it can be a lot of fun. Especially if you translate something from English to another language, then take that translation and have it translated back to English. For instance, I took a post from yesterday and had it translated into Italian:

Il dale ed io di notte scorsa hanno affittato Beowulf, un flick del diritto-$$$-video che starring Christopher Lambert che è supposto di essere un adattamento del poem classico. Ha sembrato di formaggio grazioso ed era. Ma, la parte migliore era la parte posteriore di video casella che ha descritto la regolazione come ” techno-inutile. ” Penso che che cosa hanno significato era ” techno-techno-feudal. ”

Then I translated that back to English, and got:

The dale and I of past night have affittato Beowulf, a flick of the right-$$$-video that starring Christopher Lambert who is supposed of being an adaptation of poem the classic. It has seemed of graceful cheese and it was. But, the better part was the posterior part of video case that has described ” the techno-useless ” regulation like Task that that what has meant was ” techno-techno-feudal. ”

“Graceful cheese.” That cracks me up!

The New York Times has a very interesting article about being fat and being fit and how the two are not mutually exclusive. (Registration is required to read the article, but at least it’s free.)

Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.

Last night Dale and I rented Beowulf, a straight-to-video flick starring Christopher Lambert that’s supposed to be an adaptation of the classic poem. It looked pretty cheesy, and it was. But, the best part was the back of the video box that described the setting as “techno-futile.” I think what they meant was “techno-feudal.” (If you’re interested, here’s the official movie site which is almost as bad as the movie.)

Is it fair for me to rate people on this site, when I’d never post my own pic there? (My ego is fragile enough.) Although I’ve noticed that my ratings are usually 1-3 points higher than the averages. (Am I nice or do I just have weird taste in guys?)

This is the text from an advertisement in Backpacker Magazine this month (October, 2000). The ad is for Nike ACG (All Conditions Gear) extreme sports trail running shoe:

“…Fortunately the Air Dri-Goat features a patented goat-like outer sole for increased traction so you can taunt mortal injury without actually experiencing it. Right about now you’re probably asking yourself ‘How can a trail running shoe with an outer sole designed like a goat’s hoof help me avoid compressing my spinal cord into a Slinky on the side of some unsuspecting conifer, thereby rendering me a drooling, misshapen non-extreme-trail-running husk of my former self, forced to roam the earth in a motorized wheelchair with my name embossed on one of those cute little license plates you get at carnivals or state fairs, fastened to the back?’…”

Aside from being a grammatical horror, that ad is highly insulting to anyone who’s disabled.

Contact Nike

Web: http://www.nike.com/

Phone: (503) 671-6453

Fax: (503) 671-6300

Mail: One Bowerman Drive, Beaverton, OR 97005

Contact Backpacker Magazine

Web: http://199.93.170.221/feedback, or www.Backpacker.com (use the “Contact Us” link at the very bottom of the page)

Phone: (610) 967-8296

Mail: Backpacker Magazines, 33 East Minor St., Emmaus, PA 18098

Email: Publisher- John Viehman jviehman@backpacker.com; Advertising Director- Kent Ebersole kebersole@backpacker.com.

“Help the NFL fight breast cancer. Log on to NFL.com on Tuesday, Oct. 24, the NFL’s Breast Cancer Awareness Day, and visit NFL For Her. The NFL will donate $5 for every page view, up to $50,000, to the Komen Foundation. Plus, check out Nicole Miller’s NFL products that are aiding the fight against breast cancer.”

“He ain’t heavy. He’s my cat.”

Quack! Quack! Just how popular is Option #7?

No Fortune today because I forgot my Visor.