Today I started a diet. Hardly my first, but hopefully my last.

For this first week, all I am allowed to ‘eat’ are chocolate and vanilla-flavored ’supplement’ packets that are mixed with water. Yeah, a liquid diet. But, it’s not as bad as you think. Next week, I’ll get to move on to the dietary ‘entrees’ and solid versions of the supplement, but for the first week, I’ll just be drinking a lot.

So I mixed up my first batch after I got to work, and screwed it up. That’s how bad of a cook I am. The instructions are simple:

1. Pour 7 fl. oz. of cold water into a glass.
2. Add 1 packet to water and mix thoroughly.

ather hungry, and my mixing cup holds 16 oz., so I poured two packets of the chocolate-flavoured stuff into the cup, then realized that was a LOT of powder- the cup was more than half-full. Sighing, I poured in as much water as I could managed, screwed the lid on, and began to shake. After several minutes of shaking, large chunks of powder were still quite visible, so I added more water and shook some more. And again. Then I gave up and tried drinking the mess, despite the visible chunk of powder lodged in the bottom edge of the cup. It wasn’t bad until I sucked down a marble-sized wad of powder, which instantly broke apart in my mouth. I was glad I had some plain water left over….

After the first few mouthfuls of mixture, I’d add more water and give the cup a good shaking. While I was never able to fully dislodge the chunk in the bottom of the cup, the drink did get better. The flavor and texture (when better mixed!) is much like chocolate milk or a runny shake.

After finally finishing off the whole cup, I did find myself rather full. I was able to go down to the cafeteria at lunch time to chat with friends and even go to Amy’s Ice Cream afterwards with them, without desperately wanting what they were having.

This afternoon, I did become hungry but I was stuck working on a project with another person that prevented me from mixing up another ’shake.’ Finally, I got my chance and took bottled water, cup, and mix to the kitchenette. Having learned my lesson, I only took one packet. This time, I put the suggested amount of water in, added the powder, and mixed with a knife. That was rather ineffective, so I went back to shaking. Things worked out much better this time, so after added ice and a few more shakes, this cup went down quickly.

*sigh* only 6 more days to go….

(22dec99: I think I lasted 3 weeks on this diet, before I just became too disgusted with the shake stuff. Total weight loss was probably about 5 lbs. Damn, I’m pathetic!)

Tomorrow I start a diet. Tonight, I’m sitting in the first class, that is going to be a part of that diet. And I want to cry.

I heard about this program, a low calorie-medically supervised diet, from my doctor after my last physical. Though I checked out rather well, the extra weight I am carrying around was aggravating my fibromyalgia more than usual. I’m terrible about making myself exercise and watching what I eat (hence the extra weight), so signing myself up for a strict program like this seemed like a good idea.

But now, it’s about 30 minutes until the class starts and people are nervously chatting. Though this is technically the start of a new session of classes (which run for 13 weeks), you are allowed and welcome to participate in as many cycles of classes as you need to lose your desired weight or to reach any other health goals. So, there are a few people in here that have been in the program a while, and it’s their stories that are making me want to cry.

The ‘old-timers’ are women, and they’re doing fantastically on the program. Their stories and suggestions are very reassuring and are giving me a lot of confidence about the success of the program. So why, then, am I blinking rapidly?

Because I’m now afraid of failing, moreso than before. Because, if the program is working so well for them, and it doesn’t for me, then it’ll be my fault. Because I want it to work for me, and I’m afraid of being weak and breaking down, or of simply forgetting and nibbling on something I shouldn’t.

But, the instructor for the class is very big on accountability, yet this isn’t a group that will condemn you for slipping- as long as you’re honest about it and get back ‘on the wagon.’ The program is also very very big on record-keeping. We have a notebook for information and our weekly reports, and we have a little checkbook-like thing for keeping daily records. I’ve decided to take this one step further and put my records (or a summarized version of them) on my website for some added accountability. After all, I wouldn’t want to embarass myself in front of you, now would I?

So, tomorrow I start a diet. Keep your fingers crossed for me!