(The Vampire Ball takes place one night during the city of Heidelberg, Germany’s equivalent of Carnival. It’s a costume ball that takes place in the Stadthalle, or City Hall. And it’s damn fun!)

1:10 AM

Tonight was so utterly fabulous!! It didn’t really start off that great, but after finding Tom, it got REALLY good! I went to the Vampire Ball with Jen Hem, Jen Fulton, Mindy Cash, Rob McCaskill, Erin Stinson, Chris Jeszenszky, and Debbie Koehn. At the Ball we alternately met up with & were separated from Val Rylander, Penley McQueen, Marc Beasley, Tyler Swift (who I hadn’t seen since (his) graduation), Whitney Warren, Shannon Gulyas, James, Cindy Hatkoff, and James Pierce. I also saw Tom McEvilley, Ronnee DeYoung, and others.

We were in the main room and had formed a train. We passed a man I thought was Tom. As we passed him again, I broke away. It was Tom. I gave him a big hug & we exchanged pleasantries & costume compliments. We were dancing. I turned and saw a cute guy dancing alone behind me. We started dancing together. He was moving closer, but I thought, “Hey, we’re just dancing.” But then he leaned forward like he was gonna kiss me. Whoa! I put my hand on his chest and he backed off. We kept dancing. I kept looking for my group.

(Ugh! My hair, which is somewhat dyed black, reeks of cigarette smoke.)

A woman in a feathered mask came up to us & asked if I was German. I told her I was American. She asked if the guy was German. I said Elyas (sp?) was Italian. She then asked if I was his girlfriend. NO! She then began to prattle on about how I shouldn’t go w/an Ital. guy. She knows! She married one! Then she began to talk to El. I turned back to Tom & gave him a look. He told me that if I have any trouble, to go to him. Then the woman grabbed me and said she was kidding, he’s a nice & cute guy. So I kept dancing with Elyas. When the song ended, I told him I had to find my friends. I told Tom the same.

I found Mindy, Shannon, & Whitney at the stage steps. They told me to go up and dance w/Whit & Min. Shannon wouldn’t. I soon went up w/Erin Stinson. I did a little hip & head swinging with the female singer. Soon Brian Sass came bouncing by & began to bump&grind with the singer. (Then I bumped w/him.) After a bit, the crowd back there grew. The lead male grabbed me & dragged me forward. At first I thought he wanted me to get off the stage. Instead he wanted me to get up on the speaker and dance. It was great! I was terribly afraid of falling. Got a heck of a lot of attention from the audience. The singer put Hem near the bongos, & Whit near the drums. The crowd on stage grew! Finally the singer was saying, “Let’s give ‘em 2.” It was 12:30 AM. Time for Cinderella to say goodnight!

Dont forget:
Mindy & the monster

The Three Ninjas

The Irish Mummy

Toast, cards, rice, and weenies! (Ever seen “Rocky Horror Picture Show?”)

All the passes!

Everything was perfect! Hey, I still smell smoke, and I’m beat, but I feel wonderful! Right now I love the entire world!

Thanks everyone!!

(Here’s my attempt to sort out my feelings for several guys. Tough, when you’re only 16.)

I’m really hurt & upset right now ’cause of ev’thing been happening. Broke up w/James. Confessed my feelings to Rich. Turned down by R exactly 1 wk after. Now I know K likes me. But I don’t really like him. Know how R feels. Afraid now I might start seeing Kev or someone else just so I can have someone, or just to forget ’bout Rich. Liked Rich for 1 1/2 yrs - since met him. I’m really happy to have him as best friend, but want for that just best friend. Don’t want single, steady rela. like w/James. Can’t handle again. Not ready. Just want someone I can be little more intimate w/than “just friends” Do I want to make love to Rich? Don’t think so. Don’t want it to go nearly that far. I want to kiss him just once. Glad now I kept saying no to James. Feel, despite what we both say, that I’ve lost him. Haven’t seen him for a few days now, but don’t really miss him. What probably hurt most wasn’t break-up, or even loss of relationship, but belief “love conquers all” BULLSHIT!! Just destruction of childhood’s romantic notions. I honestly don’t think I’d mis James too much if I never saw him again. Breakup was more of a relief than anything else. I feel so guilty & bad for feeling this way. Feel like people would look down on me if they knew.

Who does Rich like? Jen? Erin? Don’t know. Rather not know. If friend, might start to resent them. definately would be jealous. I think R * I aren’t really best friends. We’re just close friends. James & I aren’t even that. But he doesn’t know that I’m feeling traitorous. I keep thinking about all of this & I just hurt more & more. I must be a mental masochist, or somethin’. Jeez. I know how Rich musta felt when he wrote me that note. Oh, why can’t Kevin & Kelly like each other, & me & Rich like each other?!? Damn. My life was fine ’til I broke up w/James. But, staying together wouldn’t have solved anything. But, which would be worse for me? Staying w/James, or messing up my relationships with three people?!

I DON’T KNOW!

Last night I cried almost the entire ride home. I cried some more after getting in bed. The whole day, ALL DAY, I had the same lines of a song playing in my head.

“No more holding your body in the moonlight.

Did I fall in love for nothing?

No more kissing you, holding you by my side.”

Did I fall in love for nothing?

It’s by Michael Damien. Those are the only four lines I can remember. I feel like crying now, & I don’t know why! I’m so screwed up right now. Been dreaming a lot of really vivid dreams, but not getting any rest.